Underneath
by Samwise the Brave
Summary: I know, I'm dead on the surface, but I am screaming underneath. RobRae with mild slash.


AN: This is totally fictional; I don't own 'em yada yada yada. Kapeesh? A word of caution, if you do not like Rob/Rae/SLASH flavored tea I picked the leaves myself, thank you very much! :D DON'T EVEN TRY IT and make all sorts of excuses to flame me for writing 'utter crapola' or what have you. Ok. That's it I guess. This is just a short 2-chapter story. The lyrics are from Coldplay's Amsterdam, which is also the inspiration for this story. Listen to it! It's beautiful.

**Underneath**

It has been a week since Robin came escaped Slade's clutches, a week since he became his apprentice. Since then, the Tower's atmosphere was slightly tense, and a particular team leader had become very edgy of late. It got on everyone's nerves, but everyone understood him as well, so as understanding souls, they either tried to comfort him or just step back when required. They understood.

Or did they? Did they really know what was happening?

Actually, it wasn't just Robin who was on the edge. Prior to his sudden absence, Raven had found herself in a predicament. It was something she couldn't fix, something she couldn't just get rid off with a chant.

Weeks before the 'apprentice incident', Robin had been acting strange of late. He kept pacing, only twice the frequency. He was more silent and always seemed to be in a daze. He wouldn't eat much and he only spoke when necessary. It got on Raven's nerves. On one particular night, while reading, Robin came to the kitchen at 3 am. She cocked an eyebrow at him and he suddenly blurted out, "Want some tea?" That was strange. Robin had never offered her tea before, let alone make it. Seeing that she was thirsty anyway, she accepted the offer. When she said yes, she noticed a tinge of pink creep into the boy's cheeks. Trying not to take it seriously, she ignored it and went back to her book. It was very different from the other books she was used to reading. It was about chocolate, some poor kid and a crazy chocolate maker guy. Strange, but interesting. After a few minutes, the boy wonder set down a steaming mug of tea in front of the dark girl. She softly thanked him and went back to reading. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable as she could feel Robin's gaze drill holes in her forehead. He sat himself directly in front of her; he didn't make anything for himself. He just, sat there, watching.

All of a sudden, the boy wonder asked her a question. "Why do you meditate so often?" It surprised her. She never thought he'd be one to pry. Curtly, she merely answered, "To keep calm. Balanced." He didn't seem satisfied with the answer. His facial expression indicated that he had something to say. Raven noticed his hands trembled slightly and they were all fidgety. Raven started to feel irritated, what the hell did the boy want?! He then said, "I like it when you meditate. It's when you look most beautiful." He then reached out and touched her free hand, and her mug promptly shattered. Luckily, the tea was no more scalding hot. Both titans were shocked; it was difficult to tell who was more embarrassed. Immediately Raven stood from her seat and said to him all in a mere few seconds. "I'm sorry Robin, I appreciate your words of kindness but please don't ever say and do such things again because it's not worth your time." She fled to the stairway leading to the roof. He ran after her, heart pounding and the rush of blood to the head, seemed deafening.

He opened the door with a bang, panting hard. Strangely enough, the dark girl did not flee the tower. She sat on the edge of the tower, looking directly into the horizon. Her hood cast a shadow on her elegant face. He walked slowly towards her, afraid of scaring her off. Seeing that she wasn't going anywhere, he quietly sat down next to her. He didn't know if he should have listened to his brain or heart. He knew the dangers of provoking her; yet, he knew it was wrong not to try to amend the situation. Gently, he pulled of her hood that masked her face. Immediately she spun around to face him and slapped him tightly on the cheek. It stung. Not just physically, but emotionally. She was clearly enraged. "Why? Why?! Why are you doing this? What do you want from me? Why do pry?" She quickly pulled her hood back on.

Anger started to boil in Robin, no matter how much he knew he was probably at fault for provoking her. He grit his teeth, trying to keep calm. He pulled her hood down once again. "Why do you pull my hood? There is nothing beneath it worth seeing!" Raven shrieked. "And what makes you think there is nothing? Why do you shun yourself? I know there's more to you, I know, I know...I...I just want to know..." He trailed off. In a trembling voice she said, "Why?" The boy wonder remained silent.

"Because...I love you."

She didn't mean to be bitchy about it, but her laugh sure came out that way. "Love? How can you love me, when you don't know me?" She shook her head slightly, obviously in disbelief. Robin smiled. "That's just why I need to know you." Stunned, Raven took a while to find her voice. "You don't need to know. There are just too many things to say, too many secrets to keep. You don't need all this, because I just won't love you back. You know I can't." She looked away. Robin was confused. She said she wouldn't love him back. Yet she said she COULDN'T love him back. Did she give the tiniest hint that she felt something? She wasn't being very truthful, to him neither to herself.

"I know there are things you need to hide. But if you would just trust me...I could help you..." He put a hand on her shoulder. Almost like a second nature she tried to brush him off. Still, he kept his hand firmly there. Angrily she screamed. "What makes you think I can trust you?! What makes you think I LIKE keeping all these secrets? I am sick of the secrets I need to keep but I've lived well enough while keeping them away, because I HAVE to, and you are making things difficult Robin! Please, just go away, just forget this! Just forget it!" She got to her feet and flew to the door. She paused for a while and looked back at him, eyes sad with unshed tears. She looked as though she wanted to say something very badly, but she resisted and them left without a word, leaving the boy wonder alone with a parade of emotions beating the crap out of him. He sat there, dazed, until sunrise.

**Come on, oh my star is fading**

**And I see no chance of release**

**And I know I'm dead on the surface**

**But I am _screaming_ underneath.**

Meanwhile, Raven went to her room and immediately tried to meditate. She finally let her tears fall in the solitude of her room. She crossed her legs and tried to meditate, but all that she could see were images of Robin flashing through her mind. Not only were they 'what-nots', but they were also sexual thoughts. From young, she was conservative, knowing the consequences of not controlling her emotions and sexuality. It was difficult yes, but the barriers she had worked so hard in building suddenly crashed, having Robin enter her life. Yes, as much as she resisted his love, she wanted it. She wanted it so badly. The way he treated her like she was something precious, the way he suddenly turned affectionate despite his hard exterior as team leader. All this, she never felt much; her mother's early death deprived her of much needed love and affection. All these years she tried to protect herself from getting hurt, and then the one she loved the most came and crushed all her efforts in just a year of living together, and in just a few minutes of conversation.

Then there was an emergency later that afternoon. Just before they left the tower, Robin looked at her sadly, and then as the rest of the team gathered, he put on his hard and ready-to-fight exterior, and turned his back away from her.

After a chase of cat and mouse, falling into a putrid sewer and getting blasted by a ray that seemed quite harmless, Robin was nowhere to be found. The last she really saw of him was at the tower doors. She felt a pang of guilt wash over her. She then felt a warm hand rest upon her shoulder. It was Cyborg. He gave her an encouraging smile. "Come on Rae, let's go find him."

It seemed so very long, the period of Robin's absence. His absence made Raven tense and edgy. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, knowing that he was probably somewhere far from safety. More so, she was afraid of the reason for his absence. "Did he go because of me?" She thought. She didn't want to be full of herself; yet, the thought was nagging at the back of her head. She couldn't meditate either. Lovely, sinful yet frightening images ran through her head, of what could and what _**should**_ be. She was terrified. She always tried to keep her fear in check. But then, it was inevitable, and she was afraid of losing control. She was afraid of losing him. She just wanted him home.

-TBC-

AN: Sorry if it seems a bit rough around the edges. Having no beta is ok, but sometimes it's better, just in case. So please, review. Constructive criticism is good, but no flames all right? Perhaps I am new to writing so I am not so sure if the characters are or aren't OOC, so please, do tell, because I want to write what people want to read! :D


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